Year ago today I was on my way to Iraq. Year later im still here, still sucking more then ever. When you have your mind set on a year then BAM tell you, "hey we have another 3 months to do on top of our 12." Sweet, like a year is not long enough on a soldier and his family. I missed so much this past year. I missed my brothers wedding, my friends wedding. My first annivasary but doesnt mean anything now, but it did at the time. I spent my birthday in a freakin tower, to be exact tower 3. Alot of people around here are just mad, sad, and depressed. We should be home already. If I had a dallor for everytime someone in my platoon say "man I cant wait to go home" Id be a fucking millionare. Thats all anybody wants just to go home, we dont ask for much, we dont complain, well we do. But we do what we are told, even if are lives are on the line. All we want is just to go home, to see are loved ones. I feel myself in a state of depression, Im supposed to be home, its freakin cold, the heater doesnt work in my room, some how its fucking warmer outside then it is in my room. Whats not to be depressed about. I havent been going to the gym its been to fucking cold. I cant get out of bed in the morning casue its to fucking cold. I mine as well sleep outside. Man I really could just fuck someone up right now really bad just the way I feel. I have so much anger built up in side of me, so much that it is just scary. I never felt like this before, Im usually a loving guy, easy going. Anyone that knows me will tell you. Im just so mad, filled with hatred,and so fucking depressed, I just do not know how to handle it, I cant find peace with in.
They put out some dates today about us going home, sometime in late March but before April. The company is going to be moving half of or platoon to another base across the city, and im part of that half. I think that will have to make time go by a little quicker. Plus I get out of the freakin Ice box room. But yea I type all this shit about how depressed Iam all this other crap, but there is only one thing to do "deal with it" Thats the Army way, I mean thats the only thing I can do. Thats what im going to do. The way I look at it, I get through this, I can get through anything. Life can throw whatever at me, Ill just laugh right at it.
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5 comments:
Oh Cliff, I can relate to not being able to find peace within. I'm having the same feelings, I've never harbored such anger or hatred for someone I love or loved. It SUCKs! I might consider anger management. Cliff, I enjoy reading your blog and I wish you the best. Also, I appreciate you reading my new baby blog and your advices. Thanks.
reveler girl-Man I was just reading my blog I seem like some psycho. But I just cant understand how she can be so cruel to me when I been so nice. But if I still feel like this when Im back in the states I might see a freakin Shrink. But I think when I get back, start going out talking to girls again I think I will be good.
You sound like you have the right attitude there!
But it's easier said than done, after everything you've gone through in the recent weeks it's no wonder you feel the way you do.
Is there anyone you can talk to? An army counsellor or someone? Or how about hitting stuff? Use your frustration and anger and beat the shit out of punch bag or something?
Hang in there Cliff. Each day that passes is another day closer to coming home. And you will be so soo strong after you get through all of this. You just have to do the work to get through it first. Keep writing
Hey-o over there!!
Hope today's going okay for you. You feel real hard done by when you offer so much to someone and they basically just throw it back in your face. You'll be fine though - you're a cutie! And girls love soldiers!
Right?
Don't be sad - chin up! You'll soon be home - just focus on the goal of getting back to hot showers alive and in one piece!
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